Joynal Rab

Last work-day before vacation

So it’s friday — and it’s after five pm so you’re obviously wondering what the hell am I still doing in the office? Well doing my overtime and got some free time — today was by far one of the most stressful days at work — well not as stressful as it was pressure-filled.

But one thing about me I’ve noticed — I get more done under the gun than I do without it — managed to get to a good stopping point on a Project before I leave for a week — had to skip lunch though — but had two piece of Clif Bars left over from the week — and of course a giant cup of coffee!

I don’t know how to feel right now — this is the first vacation I’m taking in a long time — definitely much needed. Still feel like I’m leaving a ton of responsibilities behind while I’m gone — hopefully I can be forgiven in time? I’ll make up for it somehow.

So anything new? Yesterday was an interesting experience for me to say the least — went out to multiple restaurants and had several course meals — appetizers in one place entrees in another — and dessert in a third place. I know — nuts right? Well I like to do things out of the ordinary sometimes — keeps people thinking im weird — and I like that very much !

Anyways — back to work — just thought I’d note the feeling I have right before vacation!

Till next time, stay thirsty!

Keeping Pushing Forward

This may sound like a broken record — but about a year ago I didn’t have a dollar to my name. Lived with my parents and didn’t have a job and I’m pretty sure this was the phase where I looked like Jesus — but fatter and hairier. It was quite the low point but hey a year later I’ve bounced back. With the help of a certain individuals I was able to drive myself and find out exactly what I wanted. The problem I had when I left college is I had absolutely no direction — I had no idea what I wanted or how to get it.

It’s been almost 2 years since I’ve left — it took me that long to find what I wanted — the american dream. Get a job, get a car, and get out on your own. Independence is a beautiful thing — but it can also be pretty dangerous. The upside is you get to do what you want when you want to do it — the downside is sometimes we get so independent we end up alone. Sorry that was just a random thought — has absolutely nothing about me. Anyways.

So to get those three things, I had to set out and do something about it. It was rough — and when I say rough, I mean ROUGH. I can finally appreciate it now when someone says the words “I am broke” or “It’s hard to find a job — I’ll take anything.” Back in my ignorant days I was pretty spoiled — I always had the blanket to save me — almost like a safety net — I got to do whatever I wanted in college because I had family to back me up when I fell. The problem is you get too comfortable with it you forget that eventually that net won’t be there. Leaving college I had no chance of surviving the real world — the competition in the work world was fierce — and I stood absolutely no chance. So my only choice was to go home. Over the course of the last two years my family has been there for me — and likewise I was there for them. We had just moved in 2010 and they needed all the help they could get setting up and getting things for the house. My failure in life couldn’t have come at a better time. Crazy.

It was fine the first year — I enjoyed helping them and being there. But all the while the respect my family had for me was dwindling — I was 24 and had no job or even a life — I was a grown ass child basically. I saw little by little I was becoming the less of a person. Eventually RIM (makers of BlackBerry) came to my rescue — they had this new device called the PlayBook in the works and they needed developers. I had all the time in the world so I jumped on — there was even a free PlayBook offer — I had absolutely nothing to lose.

For months I started to practice and code like I’ve never coded before — I started helping people not just by doing things for them but by actually teaching them something — I was finally useful again as a person. This was a huge step in my recovery and I will absolutely never forget RIM for that as indirectly as it has been. Along the way I’ve met a lot of new people online — it helped me start socializing again and get me out of the bubble I’d put myself into over the course of a year.

The months rolled on by and I started communicating with people outside of the internet — I started talking to old friends and even new ones.* I started gaining some confidence back — confidence is huge by the way — if you don’t believe in yourself — who the hell will, right?

During the first quarter of 2011, I submitted a few applications for the PlayBook and even got them approved to be sold (although I’ve never actually released my paid app — just the free ones). I set tiny micro-goals for myself and I was getting them accomplished — thus increasing my level of confidence. After the first quarter of the year, things started shaping up in other places of my life. I started hanging out with people — but a few things were still off. I was under the control of my family — so they had to know of my whereabouts because well I was borrowing their car and money. So months went by I kept doing this — we’d get into fights (me and my family) and eventually I came the realization I needed an out. I couldn’t just be there and have to answer to somebody everyday for the rest of my life. So then I started applying to a few jobs. I even finished my resume — finally after five years since I started it, I finished the damn thing.

I sent it to random places — not really expecting much. As the summer came — my patience began to grow thinner and thinner. Tension between me and my family grew. Eventually my little brother started to disrespect me — I didn’t give him a reason not to — before I was in college and ran the show — now not so much. Things got even worse when Alex managed to find me a job in Fairfield, NJ — this was a web developer position. It was only part-time and would only give me about $1,000 a month after taxes — now that’s like $12,000 a year — I was ECSTATIC. Finally after applying to so many places this place accepted me — I was suped. The only problem? I had to get it “approved” by my family — I was living under their roof, borrowing their car. My uncle eventually shot down the idea because $1,000 wouldn’t even cover anything — and the old ‘97 accord we had wouldn’t have been able to keep up with all the mileage I would have put on it. At the time I thought this was grossly unfair — I had done exactly what I was told to do — I went out there and found a job — I didn’t care about anything else. I was so pissed. At that moment I felt what it was like to have your happiness ripped away from you. But you know what? Not taking that job was probably the best thing I could have done for myself. Hindsights a bitch right? Anyways I gave up pretty hard — I didn’t want it anymore — and I would have given up if it wasn’t for my other goals. People were counting on me to find a job and have some money for my own — So eventually I got back on the saddle. So I got super mad one night and I sent out my resume to a few more places — and wouldn’t know it? The absolute last place called me back.

Enter Capturepoint Technologies. My saving grace. I went in for an interview and me and Joe Lechuga talked for almost an hour. We talked programming. He was into it as much as I was. I left the interview with high hopes — but a part of me expected the worst news. Eventually the next day Joe calls up with an offer — just my luck — it fit the exact requirement my uncle set for me salary-wise (a little under but whatever.) He said yes finally. So that right there was a milestone. I finally had a job — now the only problem was that I didn’t have a car to drive to work. That was a setback. For a few months I carpooled with my sister — we would leave at like 5:30 am every morning — so she could get to work by 7:00 am. That meant I had to kill 2 hours a day in the morning, every morning till my office was opened. So I did just that — went to Starbucks and just hung out there every morning. Carpooling sucked because I was at the mercy of others when it came to doing things — I couldn’t be out for too long incase they came to pick me up — a bunch of things. But you know what? I didn’t mind it — I was finally out of my house and was doing something for myself. Eventually my uncle got tired of it and decided I could get my own car — and even better a new one.

So I finally saved enough money and after researching bought myself a Honda Civic ‘12 — just my luck. I still had to borrow money for the down payment from my sister — but I paid her back the next month. Finally a job and a car. It was pretty awesome. And I also joined Retro Fitness — so I started working out and actually taking care of myself — it’s not a big deal — but it’s a nice thing to have — one of those micro-goals I keep talking about. And it get me a confidence boost every now and again. Now one thing remained — I was still living with my parents and was driving about 1 hour and 20 mins to work and the same distance back — that’s about 100 miles a day.

Now I didn’t mind that much — because well I still got to go home whenever I wanted and do whatever I wanted — but still a part of me couldn’t help but think I was following the “brown” path. What’s the brown path you ask? Basically every Bengali I know lives with their parents until the day that they get married. Now I love my family to death but I didn’t want to do what every other bengali person does. And my car was suffering from all that driving — so I had to make a move. 

My uncle got wiff of me wanting to move out — he kept reinforcing the fact that they needed money and having me move out would be a financial problem — and he was right — I didn’t make enough to be able to move out and save money. That’s the big problem with a lot of people, we live paycheck to paycheck — and never save a penny. I’m by no means bragging — because hell I have no concept of saving money — but it’s something I am learning as I go and will absolutely do (better sooner than later.) 

My uncle wanted me to wait at least a year or two before moving out so my sister could get her master’s degree. But against my uncle’s wishes, I kept looking for apartments — cause I’m stubborn like that. I didn’t take any action though — I was just window shopping with no real conviction to find a place. I eventually realized if I can make enough money on the side, I can get myself a place and not affect my core income. So then I started looking for freelance jobs — to make up for the missing income. It was rough finding anything there is a lot of competition and I was new to the game — before I just did small things with people I knew — now I was trying to do business with strangers.

Months went by and I didn’t find anything. I was getting pretty hopeless — without the extra job there would be no chance for an apartment. I got pretty desperate and went to a recruiting agency *cringe*. I hate the concept — my picture of recruiting agencies are of a like sharks — they look out for themselves and take a cut of your income — thanks for the help but I’d like to keep the money I make — thanks. But like I said I was desperate — but the problem with them was most of their “jobs” require me to do a full-time somewhere else (paying at like $45 an hour “apparently”) — the problem with that? I already had a full-time job at Capturepoint — and I love them — so yeah sorry not gonna happen — A) I love capturepoint B) well that’s it — I’m one those loyal people — you do right by me — and I’ll stick by you.

I was getting tired — everyday looking for a job going for an interview — a lot of places they want you to be there in the day time in the office — but me — I couldn’t until after 5pm and traveling is something I wasn’t a fan of at all. I was losing hope — week by week.

But one night something happened — I was at work and had to finish something — deadline — so then my boss approached me — he asked out of nowhere — they liked working with me — and if I needed extra money on the side, they have some overtime work I could do. Now at that point I didn’t think anything of it — I assumed it was a one time thing — and I needed something more permanent. But eventually I grew even more tired and asked my boss for full details. And the details were good. They were good enough where if this became a constant thing — I would be able to get an apartment.

I started then working 13 - 15 hour shifts a day — I didn’t care — I was making money and well I hate driving in traffic anyway. Eventually I saw my first overtime paycheck — I was like “time to get me an apartment.” So I started doing just that — and to my surprise finding a decent apartment at a decent price was as hard as finding a job — seriously. I couldn’t find a good place at all — most places were nice but overpriced and others were good priced but looked gross. I was gonna say yes to anything at one point but I kept pushing for other places. 

Oh on a side note — something else happened — so RIM (BlackBerry) has this thing called “BlackBerry World” every year — it costs about $2,000 just to be there not including flight / hotels. This year they announce their saving grace the BlackBerry 10 — so just like any year I would sit on the side lines while they announced stuff — but this year they were doing this other thing in compliment to BlackBerry World called BlackBerry 10 Jam — here they would have work shops and eventually we found out they were handing out alpha devices to attendees — these devices would have the new blackberry tech in them and wouldn’t be available to consumers — hence the “alpha” in the name. That was super cool but the event itself costs $300 minus hotel / flight. It was in florida by the way — so definitely needed to fly.

John Pinkerton hounded me to go — he was pushing and pushing me to go — weeks after weeks he kept giving me a run down of how much it would cost to persuade me — he did such an awesome job — and I would have caved but I kept my eye on the prize and really wanted an apartment and have enough for a down payment. I kept saying no.

A few weeks after they announced the event — I got this weird email — it landed in my Spam — it said “BlackBerry 10 Jam…” at that point I was like eh just another promo — and was about to delete it but something hit me — I opened it. It said they had this “package” that included flight, hotel and transportation at the event — so I’m thinking alright just another discounted program — still have to pay a crazy amount — but I clicked on the link anyway — I kept filling stuff out and even put in my passport details for the flight — I knew I could just hit cancel when they showed how much I owed so I kept going forward.

When I got to the last page — it said Total Amount Due: $0.00 PAID. and I was like no effing way bro. They paid for it ALL! Like how crazy is that? I was STOKED. I went butt crazy online and started shaking — they were flying me out and paying for my stay — and best of all? I GET A FREE ALPHA DEVICE! So I messaged John and went bonkers — he couldn’t believe it — I couldn’t either. I was finally going — finally. The trip runs from April 30 - May 4th — So I was gonna take my vacation time and go.

Oh and the reason why all this is free? Remember when I said a year ago I spent all my time helping people develop apps? RIM didn’t ignore that fact — because I did all that hard work — they were rewarding me for it — so in a way I earned it — but in no way am I taking this for granted — I appreciate this to no end — and I am going to be pro-blackberry till the end — because they are a good company just in a slump right now — they’ll pull through no doubt.

Back to the apartments — Eventually I lucked out with a place in Fairlawn — now believe me when I say luck because that’s what it seems like to me at this point. As lucky as I was with my job and my car (i get to say MY) — i’ve earned both those things as time went by and I showed my worth. The apartment thing is new — so I haven’t quite felt like I’ve earned it yet — But I will know in the upcoming months — I went to check it out — and man it was better than most places I’ve seen in the last few months — and the price was pretty sweet. It was almost too good to be true kind of thing — and the guy renting it out was on the phone with someone else and I couldn’t lose it — so I asked him right then I’ll take it where do I apply — the apartment complex requires a credit check — and at that point I had just paid off this $3,000 credit card (tax return was timely) but the problem is that it doesn’t reflect on my credit report until a few months after.

So I applied — oh funny story so a few weeks before that I had found a $10 bill on the floor — I was stoked — but was advised that it was against my religion to use that money for my gain and I should donate it somewhere — I’ve sinned enough so I though alright i’d save it — fast forward to the apartment application, they require a $25 payment to have your credit checked — and they do not accept debit cards (irony). So all I had on me was a $20 bill and that $10 bill I found on the ground. Now at that point they guy who does the apps had to go and couldn’t wait for me to go the bank — he said I’d have to come back in an hour or so and he’ll be free. 

I made the decision to wait an hour instead of using that money — I’m so stubborn — I’d lose it all before I’d falter on my principles — virtue or foolish? Anyways went to the ATM machine grabbed some lunch and applied in an hour — oh the guy the landlord — he was oddly quite cool. And when I say cool — in a shady way — he was over the top nice and it seemed so genuine — i’ve never seen someone that nice before but hey — anythings possible right? I’ll keep my eye on him but he’s super cool — he has gone out of his way a few times now for me getting the apartment.

Anyways a week goes by still no response from the complex management — the guy who works there says it takes usually 24 hrs — I applied on easter weekend then the lady in charge took an UNtimley vacation — so for two weeks I was dying for a response — I have a few loans and the credit card was just recently paid so I had no idea what my credit score was. So two weeks went by since I applied and I called the guy up and left a message — I was this close to just letting it go and finding another place. Then he calls back saying just five minutes ago he got the OK to let me in — i was STOKED! I called gabe up and asked him what’s next — deposit and rent — this would break the bank — but it’s alright — I can finally have my own apartment.

I got the keys the following Monday and was told I can move in at anytime — but the thing is I will be in Florida for about a week in May and won’t be able to do anything apartment wise till after I get back — but it’s cool vacation first then move — works for me.

So now you get why I had to tell you all this — just saying I got an apartment isn’t enough — I had to show why it meant what it meant to me — this is a major milestone — and I definitely do not take it for granted. I still have a lot to do though — I’ve managed to get the main three goals out of the way — job, car and apartment — but I want so much more. It’s not that I am ungrateful — it’s just that I don’t want to get too comfortable where I am — you don’t know how fragile the things are around you until they break — which means everything I have now — a job, a car, an apartment, and a life — it could all disappear one day — so I will do whatever it takes to hold on to all those things — and have a back up plan whenever possible.

So that’s my life in a nutshell for the past 2 years — a lot of things have changed — a lot. One thing I have learned and will keep learning — never get too comfortable and always keep pushing forward and want more. It’s your right. Nothing is ever impossible — you just have to want it bad enough. Set up some micro-goals and accomplish some — it’ll make you feel better and help you accomplish some of your bigger goals — I promise. Practice makes perfect.

This was a crazy long blog entry but it’s been about two years of stories so it makes sense — thanks for reading this — super personal — I didn’t push this update out to FaceBook or Twitter — but if you found it I trust you to respect it. Thank you for reading — really. I wish you the best — and you can have it all — just keep pushing forward.

Till next time folks — stay thirsty.

(And I finally went to the gym today after weeks of not — hoorah!)

Freedom

…and just like that — it all comes full circle ! Application for apartment is approved — now to leave a deposit and say hello to my new place. i. can’t. wait.

(still have to wait 2 weeks to move in — but still awesome.)

It’s been a while

It’s been a while since the last time I blogged about anything — it’s only because I’m holding my breath. Can’t say just what it is yet — don’t wanna jinx it !

waiting is the hardest part of anything — while waiting you’re basically helpless — the person or thing you’re waiting on has full control with what your future holds — i’m not a fan of letting someone else control my future — but in some cases you don’t really have a choice.

here’s to waiting folks — the only time in our lives where we literally have no control — i hate it.

Calm before the storm

It’s been a while since I wrote anything — so let’s summarize.

Last week was shit. I mean it — after having that sugar binge I felt like crap the rest of the week — took me until thursday to feel like I did before the binge. I missed an entire weeks worth of gym’ing — which was lame.

Found out about the new Avengers movie and that they are doing a marathon for all the other movies that lead up to it before they show it at midnight — I jumped on the tickets as soon as I found out about it — that’s like over 12 hours of movies at AMC — CRAZY! but I couldn’t do it alone — first person that came to mind was Alex — we used to always do midnight showings back when I was in college — well mostly in the summer when I was back home. Called him and found out he messed up his neck bad — I knew how he felt — I did the same thing last summer — it’s a pain because you may not realize it but your neck has a lot to do with what you do the entire day.

By the end of the week he was better and managed to get to work — and ofc order some tickets ! so we are def down for that — mad excited ! other than that my entire week was lame-ish — saw an apartment but it was super tiny for its cost — but the lady renting it was pretty hot — so i was on the fence about it haha

The weekend following I ate relatively healthy compared to the previous week — oh yah — I had NO sugary food till thursday — well i had some clif bars — but that doesnt count — anyways I had to have a blondie at applebees — was SOOO good ! and I didnt have any bad reactions so that was fantastic!

I’ve been doing a lot of overtime at work — barely have time for anything any more — my gym has been suffering for now — when I get my apartment it should all be fixed — but till then I just have to suck it up. Although I have to admit i’ve been saving a lot of money on gas and food over the course of the last two weeks — still a bummer working so much and not enjoying life — but hey i’d rather be here than out there doing nothing  like I did a year ago — which brings me to the next point — every now and then I keep thinking about where I was a year ago.

it’s easy to take things for granted — you just forget about what you have no compared to before — or even want more than you have now — and that’s normal — but it’s good to look back every now and again and see how much more you have now — it makes me so motivated to know how far i’ve gotten — and i keep wanting more. In a year I will be doing the same — looking back at now and thinking — man that’s a lot.

Appreciate your life — and remember everything you have done good and bad and just absorb it. It all makes you who you are as a person — and hey you’re still living and breathing — so not too shabby.

One thing before I forget to mention — take risks — do things you have never done before — even if it’s not the norm and you might even get into a little trouble for it if you get caught — and as long as you are not hurting someone else!! — it’s a nice relief from life — to own the moment — which in turn is like owning your own life. Do something spontaneous !

well that’s it for now — my apartment hunting continues and my work continues — i like being busy — i really do.

till next time !

EDIT:

I should probably explain what my title means — im an idiot — anyways — things are pretty calm and consistent right now — but I have a feeling in a few weeks or a month — Im gonna be hit with a storm — its leading to something — lets see where I end up !

Cheat Weekends

I really need to stop cheating every weekend — I mean its ok to have one day but it’s getting pretty ridiculous for me. I usually spend all saturday eating junk food and sunday I clean up and have a green juice to set the rest of my week right. This weekend I went a little overboard.

My baby cousin wanted us to make a princess cake — so obviously I couldn’t just say no so I made her one. In the process of baking I probably gained a million pounds from “taste testing” the batter to eating half the cake — it was so good at the time. Key phrase? At the time. Oh wait I also forgot about my latest addiction.

Those little innocent girl scouts are drug dealers — i swear! I’ve never had any but one of my coworkers was selling them for her daughter and so I being the awesome coworker that I am bought a few boxes. I instantly fell in love with the cookies known as “Samoas.” I didn’t know how addicting they were until by the end of the week I’ve already had five or six boxes of them. Either I bought them from a coworker, someone gave me a few boxes for free — or I was taunted into buying them from in front of walmart — I found my way to them.

All last week I did nothing but eat sweets — and you know what? I’m paying the price as we speak. No its not that “oh man I gained a million pounds because I ate them” but I am physically hurting. I’m surprised I made it in the gym today — all day today my stomach has been hurting — for the first 7 hours at my job I couldn’t focus — my stomach felt like it was ripping to shreds — and nothing would come out — if you know what I mean.

So I had to skip lunch and I just had my first few bites of it just now — I literally fasted for nearly 15 hours — Im not gonna say 24 because I am pretty sure I had some cake before sleeping at midnight. 

I have this habit when I eat healthy — I can stay healthy and make the right choices. But if I veer off the path even a little bit — I go straight to hell. 

I won’t be eating sweets for a long time — just gonna play it safe for a while — good thing my stomach took a miraculous turn for the better at 4:00pm — managed to save my ass and get a lot of work done.

My stomach is still in knots but it’s doing a lot better — here’s to keeping it that way. At least tomorrow won’t be a heavy gym day — just running. and hey the weather is turning out pretty cool and I’m still headed in the right direction with life for the most part!

Till next time folks!

Getting closer

I went to the gym today — felt amazing going back. Missed the last three days — overslept and just wasn’t feeling it on Monday and Tuesday — but I am back in the groove and ready to take on the world.

My future has seemed sort of bleek in the past few weeks and especially last week — I won’t lie I almost lost hope for some goals I set for the year — but I kept it together and what do you know? Some things have turned around completely mid week and I am back on my path to achieving my goals for the year.

It’s those moments that something seems almost impossible to accomplish and how we deal with it that defines who we are as a person. No matter how bad something is — there is always a tomorrow and you can always push your way through. I know that’s not the case in some situations — but for the most part it’s true. Don’t give up — there is always a way.

Till next time folks!

Always want more

Older than ever but feeling fitter than ever. I’m seeing some good results from going to the gym (almost) every weekday — but it’s still not good enough. It can get better and it will get better — always want more and stay thirsty! Speaking of which — kind of hungry — clif bar it is!

PS: I love tumblr — a lot of fitness blogs — seeing fit people wants you to become fit too — it’s a cool effect — definitely recommend the habit! My favorite blog so far fitness wise:

http://get-thinspiration.tumblr.com

Till next time!